Authenticity and Belonging

This is an exploration of the sense of "belonging," the authentic expression of spirituality, and what it means in relation to the practice of yogic practices including meditation and prayer.

The question is: How can we stay authentic in what we do in life while also being true to our beliefs? Is it possible to stay rooted in personal truth while also being part of a collective with different beliefs? These days, we are often faced with the challenge of making choices about how to live with integrity in a world that feels unstable and full of conflicting values. The world is quick to tell us what to believe, how to behave, and the way of “should,” which pushes us into a corner of conformity rather than integrity.

I would like to narrow my focus to the spiritual pursuit of truth and integrity. I have been part of the spiritual community for the past 25 years, teaching yoga and meditation since 2001, and have also been a certified yoga therapist for almost a decade. Now, I wonder if being part of the Integral Yoga community aligns with my spiritual aspirations and my perception of Truth and values. It feels as though I have been in a constant state of shifting over the last three years, ever since I felt the betrayal of my primary teacher and learned of his sexual misconduct toward young female disciples. Regardless of his failings as a yogi, I feel gratitude for all those who choose to carry the torch of any lineage and preserve spiritual teachings for future generations—whether Jewish, Christian, or Buddhist. I continue to reaffirm and rediscover just how much good and healing comes from a Yoga practice. I’m still dedicating my time and effort to practice and share these teachings.

My meditation practice also seems to be undergoing a shift. I consider meditation to be a close and intimate encounter with reality. This Truth cannot be approached without authenticity, even if it means "my faith feels a bit chaotic right now." My soul connection shines brightest when I am honest—no pushing things away, no looking the other way, no negotiations, and no conforming to spiritual expressions that don't resonate with me. In the state of Being in meditation, we cannot pretend to be what we are not nor reject who we are. This raw honesty then needs to spill into daily life with acceptance of our innermost Truth to sustain the connection beyond the mental realm where intuition lives, to sustain the openness of our hearts, ability to care and have compassion, and to be okay being with Mystery. 

“ .. It is presumptuous of me to wish to choose my path, because I cannot tell which path is best for me. I must leave it to the Lord, Who knows me, to lead me by the path which is best for me, so that in all things His will may be done.” – St. Teresa of Ávila

In meditation, I am opening to this connection, through which the union with the Divine unfolds. This union—or “merging”—with the object of meditation is described in the scriptures of Yoga as Samadhi, the absorption. One must be “all in” for that to happen, for the Divine Light and Peace to fill our minds and hearts. This honesty can be expressed in prayer.

In Yoga, many slokas, chants, and formal prayers are used, rooted in Eastern philosophy and religious views. I aim to understand them to the best of my ability, feeling their vibrational effect on my mind and heart. I struggle a bit with some of these Hindu-based slokas as used in Integral Yoga. Many of them are translated into English, leaving out the names of the Hindu deities upon which the slokas call. This gives them a more interfaith or even pagan-like appearance, which I know is not the meaning of the original Sanskrit*. It feels like disregard and it troubles me. Was the intention to make them more digestible for us Westerners? The cultural origin of the Yoga practice lies in highly devotional India, where calling upon the Hindu Gods and Goddesses is central. The authentic practice of the founder of Integral Yoga, Swami Satchidananda, for instance, involved worshiping Shiva. I try to find the kernel of commonality in the teachings, the principles beyond the form of the deities, and relate to them in the best way I can. But I wonder: Am I compromising my authenticity in doing so—and, in turn, my ability to find Truth and receive the Light?

I believe companionship on the path of spirituality is important. We need one another, our tribe, and a sense of belonging. We need others to show us if we are falling into the rabbit hole of self-indulgence, which the search for authenticity can become. On the other hand, it is easy to fall into the trap of trying to be what others want us to be, which can leave us feeling empty and unfulfilled, disconnected from the heart's compassionate ways. The fear of what others think of us might push us into silence, loss of integrity and not standing up for what we believe. 

“What is it you want to change? Your hair, your face, your body? Why? For God is in love with all those things and he might weep when they are gone.” – St. Catherine of Sienna

There are always going to be differences between people in any group, which allow us to see, grow and give us opportunities to love and share. Swami Sivananda clearly said that each mind is different and needs different things. As much as I once felt that Integral Yoga embraced differences amongst the sangha and was inclusive of different paths, I’m not sure if that is still true. What is expected of me in order to be a ‘true integral yogi’? Do I have to conform to a set of beliefs and abandon authenticity?

Finding “Unity in Diversity” as Swami Sivanada promoted remains of great importance to me, alongside finding Truth. There seems to be a paradox here, a place of mystery—the need for community to grow, and the need for personal authenticity at the same time. The Isa Upanishad suggests we follow both paths, the inner path of meditation and the outer path of outer, the life in the world. The aim is for inclusive communal considerate living on this Earth while also taking time to explore in solitude the depths of authentic Truth, Divinity.

Unity and division. John O’Donohue explored the idea of bridging the longing for divine connection and the sense of belonging through prayer—a prayer that quiets the mind until serenity arrives, beyond the fear and limitations of ego. He calls it mystical prayer, which, through its raw honesty, the soul awakens. That sounds like a great idea to me. He recommended that through this prayer one can arrive in place beyond our differences.
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“Wholesome and inclusive seeing, in which all the differences can be seen to belong together, is what mystical prayer brings. Mystical prayer brings you into the deepest intimacy with the Divine. Your soul receives a kiss from God.” ~ John O’Donohue

And so, the quest for authentic expression while being part of the collective continues.
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* https://shlokam.org - This site is a growing repository of Hindu Shlokas, Stotras, Mantras, Sutras, Stuthis and larger texts including the Bhagavad Gita, the Upanishads and Prakrana Granthas by Sri Adi Shankaracharya and others. All content is in Sanskrit, with English transliteration, English meaning and in most cases supplemented with commentaries (bhashya) along with Audio renderings.

photo: St. Vitus Cathedral, Prague

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The Waterwheel 
by Rumi

Stay together, friends.
Don’t scatter and sleep.

Our friendship is made
of being awake.

The waterwheel accepts water
and turns and gives it away,
weeping.

That way it stays in the garden,
whereas another roundness rolls
through a dry riverbed looking
for what it thinks it wants.

Stay here, quivering with each moment
like a drop of mercury.