The Girl Within

​I think of the little girl that is still within me. The little girl that likes to play and love and cuddle, and needs to learn to do things all by herself.

• In our life, we start so dependent on our people. We feel that life is forever with them. We learn to be and endure not expecting any changes.
• Then we notice that relationships are passing, friends change, family members pass away.
• Then we don’t want to rely on anyone, striving for independent existence.
• Then realizing we are part of the collective, we accept we need each other. We start learning the balance between receiving support and giving it back.
• Then awareness that there is only one real Self starts peaking and now what?

Sri Swami Satchidananda, who brought yoga to the West and my teacher, spoke of having a dual vision, living as an individual and yet being part of the One. He spoke of being conscious and aware and playing one’s part well. I pray for his guidance.

I have opened my heart, opened my mind, dissolved all boundaries and got lost in the ocean of blissful Oneness. I also got lost in the shadows only to find my Self again like a Phoenix rising from the ashes.

  Who am I? 
  How do I live in this world? 
  Am I that “me” which keeps feeling the same? Even after all these years? 
  Are you that also? 
  What do I think I am not?

I fondly remember the innocence of being that little girl, the ability to be open to new frontiers, ever learning, ever evolving. I need her now to remind me of being and loving so freely. I remember delighting in beauty and not being troubled by the wrong doing or the right doing. I remember existing beyond all that with a sense of timelessness and simplicity. Just as is, just as day turns into night and winter into spring, without fuss or judgment, simply being in the midst of it all.

That little girl’s “me” still feels the same even though I am almost 50 now. That same “me” is looking in the mirror,  “me” who was checking out her earrings when she was 5. I wish I could have been there for her when she was struggling and frightened. 

I do love that little girl. I wish I could go back in time and hug her.

Om Shanti 

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